


Night of the Leaping Dead

by Wirrrn



Category: Big Wolf on Campus
Genre: Bad Jokes, Comic Violence, Lovecraftian Entities in Bathroom Plumbing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 03:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2176677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wirrrn/pseuds/Wirrrn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merton and Tommy attend a Halloween party together. Or more precisely, Tommy drags his socially awkward boyfriend there bodily. Alas, the party from hell quickly becomes The Party from Hell. Play Spot the Film Reference for no bonus prizes!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Night of the Leaping Dead

  
**NIGHT OF THE LEAPING DEAD**  
  
                                                                                                         by   
                                                                                                      Wirrrn

  
  
  
  
Tommy Dawkins sighs almost inaudibly as he looks down at the third proferred-in-his-general-vicinity joint of the evening.  
  
"No thanks.... McGee? Weed makes me fuzzy. You wouldn't like me when I'm... fuzzy."

McGee shrugs and turns back to scouting the party for stray customers. Tommy turns back to scouting the party for- well, not so much stray, as probably by now hiding in a dingy attic suitcase or between the refrigerator and wall to avoid socializing- Merton Dingle.

Tommy has only smoked a joint once, with his Goth best friend as part of an ultimately unsuccessful attempt to exorcise the Wayans brothers of the Legion of demons that kept forcing them to make SCARY MOVIE sequels. The exorcism had gone horribly wrong (the Wayans demons now had a six-picture contract with the people behind SWEPT AWAY) but Tommy and Merton had at least been left with their internal organs fortunately still functional

(well okay- not their appendices)

totally naked

(long story)

and pleasantly high from the joint. Merton had spent the next few hours lurking in the Lair, watching B-Movies and giggling to himself, so no change there

(though when INTERGALACTIC VAMPIRE NURSE was replaced by a telecast of the World Shuttlecock Finals, Tommy had needed to rush over numerous times to stop his best friend from swallowing his own tongue)

but Tommy had simply taken three more puffs of the grass and passed out- only to wake up the next morning completely naked and in a kennel besides a very satisfied looking malamute that smelled of his aftershave and whined piteously when Tommy had run off, vaulting about six fences, three girl scouts (eating five boxes of their cookies mid-leap) and a group (scientific term: a Bother) of Jehovah's Witnesses (who had subsequently turned instantly both Athiest and flamboyantly Gay), to return to the Lair.

Neither of them had much fancied experimenting with chemicals after that- at least ones not found on the Periodic Table.

(This vow had, of course, led to the infamous Francium, Sodium and Potassium Incidents, but that's a story for another day- presuming it doesn't come to court in the meantime)

Growling softly in his chest, Tommy shakes his head out of Expositional Flashback mode and returns to looking around the party area for Merton. The Halloween party was being run by a friend of a friend from the next dorm over

(What was his name again? Dill... Gherkin... ah, Pickle)

and at least it was just a come-as-you are shindig, an orientation-type party for potential college goers rather than a costume thing- though people had kept asking Merton if he was supposed to be The Crow and complimenting Tommy on his "Buffyesque" contact lenses and fangs.

(he knew he shouldn't have made out with Merton in the Hearse on the way over)

But a tiny pale whirlwind of spiky hair and black clothing is now nowhere to be seen amidst the throng currently, well...thronging. Despite being the significant other of the Best Arm

(and other regions)

On Pleasantville's fledgling football team 

(literally fledgling- their sponsor was the Hungry Bucket, and they were obligated to shower each other with gravy instead of champagne after a win. Merton had even used his begrudging male cheerleader experience to find a way to be near his boyfriend during the games, though he was currently sitting them out in the penalty box for changing his mascot outfit from "Hungry Chicken" to "Headless Voodoo Fetish Chicken")

which therefore made Merton _Non Corpus Touchus_ to the town's thriving Bully fauna.  
  
(The occasional lugnut who still wailed on his Goth best friend was very soon thereafter confined to the Pleasantville Sanitorium for the Cranially Dubious, yelling about Midnight visits from a "hairy man". Police did not believe them, but had a standing APB out on the Baldwin brothers, just in case)

Merton was, however, still somewhat uncomfortable in social situations that didn't involve a 12-sided dice.

Tommy continues scanning the party for his boyfriend. Five more minutes of looking and he'd switch to his preternatural sense of smell, simply following the scent of patchouli until he found either Merton or a can of air freshene-  
  
"Tommy?!"  
  
"-* _Auuuuugh_ *!" As his heart continues to bounce erratically around his chest like a polysyllable in George Dubya's mouth, Tommy reminds himself that the only coronary trouble a werewolf can have is getting some silver in it.

"-Merton? Where've you been? I thought you would have fled screaming back to our dorm room by now."  
  
The manic young Goth looks vaguely affronted until he sees the -somewhat pointy- grin on his lover's face.  
  
"Tommy, I'm shocked! I'd never abandon you! I'd die before I threw you to the wol...verines! I'd sign up for Male Nurse Saint Jacque's acupuncture course before I left yo-"  
  
"-T n'T blocking the exit again?"  
  
"No, the Fire Escape. The exit was just locked."  
  
Tommy grins and then comes dangerously close to yelping when his best friend grabs him by the- oh, let's just say it's his arm.  
  
"That's not important, Tommy!" The hand that had linked with his began to tug. "... My Occult-honed detective skills have led me to uncover a deadly new threat!"  
  
"-Occult honed detective skills? At a Frat Party?"  
  
"Okay, okay, so I was looking for a bathroom. Quit bogarting my moment. The end result is that we've got evil to thwart... C'mon!"  
  
The jock's eyes glow briefly sulphur, but he's got a pleasant buzz going from the hand holding thing and allows himself to be led along.

"-So where are we going?"  
  
"I told you. The bathroom."  
  
Merton's arm is nearly yanked out of its socket to dangle in the puffy, basic-Bond-baddie-black of his dress shirt-sleeve as Tommy comes to a dead stop.  
  
"-The bathroom? Are you insatiable? C'mon, Merton, we've already done it six times today. I can't keep drinking so much Gatorade; bees are starting to attack me for my sweat!"  
  
"Not for that!" Merton's eyes gleam "...well, maybe later. There's trouble cooking, and we need a lycanthrope to turn the gas off."  
  
"-Is it too late to call those guys from DOG SOLDIERS?"  
  
"*Tommy*!"  
  
"-Oh alright. Wait... it's not a flush related problem, is it?"  
  
Merton's usual manic grin suddenly supersizes until it threatens to meet corners at the back of his head and deny him any future employment save playing a Canadian on South Park.  
  
The small portion of Tommy's blood that doesn't immediately rush to his cock eventually finds his brain, and he realizes the smile as his boyfriend's "Panic? there's no reason to panic now let's change the subject really fast for no reason" expression.  
  
"Well, y'see Tommy weeeee _AAAAARGH!"_  
  
"-Merton??!"  
  
The pale youth has dashed over to the bathroom door and is frantically attempting to pluck a bunch of withered, dying herbs out of a large, glass jar.  
  
"My wards!" he moans. "My poor Protective Wards! I left some particularly potent tubers scattered around the door to contain the Evil within, and someone's turned them into a decorative Pot-Pourri!"

Merton halts in the act of trying to remove rose petals from the vegetative gonads of his favourite Mandrake root.

"This is the fourth time this has happened! I hate sharing a dorm with Home Economics majors!"  
  
Tommy kneels down to help, but Merton waves him back. "Better not, Tommy- this has Monkshood in it. It's not exactly Wolfsbane, but there's no sense in giving Superman a Kryptonite Swatch, right? ... Ye Gods, I need some less geeky metaphors."  
  
Tommy is eyeing off the bathroom door like someone who has eaten a dodgy kebab. "Merton? If your Magick didn't work, how do we know whatever's in there is... still in there?"  
  
Merton stands up. "Good point."  
  
Crossing back over to the bathroom door, he puts an ear to it-  
  
"Ouch!"  
  
-moves a couple of his longer hair spikes out of the way and puts his ear to it again, listening for a long beat. He gives Tommy a beaming thumbs up, then opens the door wide  
  
 **"IA! IA! WAGN'NAGL RL'YEH CTHULHU F'TAGN! IA!"**  
  
-then slams the door shut very fast and puts his back up against it. "Or on the other hand, it may still be there."  
  
Tommy's eyes have widened and sulphured and he's gone markedly pale  
  
(not as pale as Merton, of course, which at any rate is probably impossible without a decade underground or some sort of Geisha make-over)  
  
"-Merton! There's a Lovecraftian God in the dorm bathroom!"  
  
"I know this looks bad Tommy, but we ca- You knew it was an Elder God? I had to cross-reference with my pocket edition of 'Dictionaire L'Infernale..."  
  
-The Goth points to a torn flap of black denim clinging half-heartedly to the side of his jeans.  
  
"... Which, between you and me, has no business being called a 'pocket edition'. But this is great, Tommy! You've developed a working knowledge of Lovecraft! All those hours of... research in the Lair paid off; you've read your first Occult book!"  
  
The werewolf frowns. "- *Occult* book? I thought it was some kinda Gay Sex Guide."  
  
"S... Sex guide?" Merton's eyes pop out in independent directions and he turns a colour that, whilst interesting, is not really associated with  
those outside of the reptile community.  
  
Tommy, unaware of Merton's book-related apoplexy, returns to the bathroom door. "-Hey, which Elder God is it, anyway?"  
  
Merton's bout of pinkness fades and he returns to his normal, healthy chalk-white colour. "Dagon. The Briny Lord of Fathomless Marine Evil."

"-Isn't that the sales pitch for the Hungry Bucket's new fish burger?"  
  
"Yeah, well, if the shoe fits."  
  
"-How do you know it's Dagon? One of your books? Websites? CD Liners?"  
  
Merton moves over to Tommy and waits for their routine of excessive and unnecessary touching to begin before he answers  
  
(he answers almost immediately)  
  
"No... Dagon was the entity I was reading about when I kinda... accidentally summoned It."  
  
"-You did *what*?"  
  
Merton turns to look at his boyfriend, taking comfort in the fact that there's no real recrimination in the Jock's eyes  
  
(or the hands that have snuck under his black tee to play with his nipples)  
  
"C'mon, Tommy- it's a Lovecraftian Deity from Beyond the Void between The Worlds, they don't appear in bathrooms every day! It's not like they're alligators."  
  
Tommy nods. "-So what happened?"

"Well Tommy, you may be aware of certain rumours buzzing around amongst our peers regarding the exact nature of our friendship. I'm not quite sure how they cottoned on..."

"-Merton... We slow danced together for three hours at The Factory last week."  
  
"...Perhaps over-active imaginations..."  
  
"-Stacey outed us with that Sky-Writing Plane she hired the day she left town."  
  
"...Maybe their adolescent hormones can only find fulfillment in fantasizing about their betters..."  
  
"-You and I are tongue-kissing in our Yearbook Photo."  
  
"...Or perhaps people are just fickle enough to assume that every gorgeous, immaculately coiffed Goth and his equally studly yet more athletically-inclined best pal bat... er, touchdown... for the other team."  
  
Merton notices Tommy's eyebrow is dangerously close to "sarcastic cocking' position, and strokes the other boy's brow until it settles down again  
  
(true, Tommy's ears then become pointy and his eyes yellow, but his eyebrows are okay)  
  
"Anyway" Merton continues. " I was enthralling our fellow partygoers with my erudite observations about the different flight feathers in Egyptian, Abyssinian and Grecian Sphinxs. Er, Sphinxx. Sphanx? And then they started asking me increasingly impolite and anatomically ignorant questions about what you and I do during our... mattress-related recreational activities. Needless to say I stormed out of there without saying anything."  
  
Tommy leans over and kisses Merton's cheek. "-Thanks, man."  
  
"You're welcome. Fifteen bucks, ha! That reporter from Sports Illustrated offered me *fifty* bucks for just my *story*, let alone the pictures!"  
  
"-Eeep."  
  
The young Goth nods. "I know, Tommy. I should have hit him for the whole C-Note, but one of the photos I gave him wasn't up to scratch; that one where you're naked except for your letterman jacket and finger-fucking yourself? Your team number's almost too blurry to read."  
  
Tommy gasps, simultaneously turned on and, well, kinda seasick, like that time Merton talked him into fucking during a Science Fair tour of an Imax Theatre. He still couldn't look at postcards of the Grand Canyon without getting a hard-on.  
  
Merton is still talking. "So anyway, with all the smut-minded misers on my tail, I sought out a place of quiet contemplation; a conservatory, a book-lined study done over in earth tones, perhaps a greenhouse filled with gentle-hued succulents.... But this place didn't have any of those so I had to settle for the toilet."  
  
The hand on Merton's shoulder is becoming somewhat claw-intensive as the Goth continues.  
  
"... So I sat down with my new copy of DEITIES YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT INVOKING and somehow the chapter on Dagon interacted with the room deodorizer and the string of curse-words I yelled out when I dropped the toilet seat on my fingers, and hey presto-evilchange-o, it's Welcome to Squidville."  
  
Tommy frowns. "-How could a toilet deodorizer summon an ageless evil?"  
  
"I know; right? I didn't even know they came in Brimstone n' Lamb Foetus Fragrance. Must be a new line."  
  
Tommy takes the other man's hands in his. "-Merton, we don't have time for this! Besides, it's okay. I don't mind that you financially exploited images of my body. My naked body. My naked body at the moment of a particularly powerful orgasm..."  
  
"Owowow! Tommy! You're crushing my hands!"  
  
"-Sorry! Sorry!" Tommy grits his teeth and swallows his inner wolf back down, kisses Merton's reddened knuckles in apology until they return to a healthy sickly pale. "-But Merton, how are we gonna banish this Dagon thing?"  
  
Merton's eyes gleam. "I've been thinking about that. It's an aquatic God, right? Sure It's gigantic and tentacley and stuff, but It's manifested in the bowl of the toilet. So why don't we just..."  
  
"-You're not proposing that we *flush* an evil, homicide-minded squid God from beyond antiquity?!"  
  
"Why not? It worked with Hector!"  
  
"-Who's Hector?"  
  
"Hector Lizardondo, Becky's pet Axolotl. True he wasn't 'evil' so much as 'bitey' and I was eight at the time, but he flushed okay; Though I do have recurring nightmares that he survived and turned gigantic on a diet of toxic waste and sewerage workers and that one day Becky's huge, mutated Mexican Walking Fish will arise from the Dingle plumbing, its primitive amphibian mind focused only on reve-"  
  
"-Merton! Snap out of it!"  
  
Merton snaps out of it. "Well, if you're not keen on the flush, we could use a couple of my more spell-centric ideas."  
  
"-Sounds great; What do I do?"  
  
Merton massages his temples, thinking. "Okay. First Tommy, you strip off all your clothes. Then we rush the bathroom and-"  
  
"-Waitwaitwait! Merton, is it absolutely necessary for me to nude up again? This is the eighth bad guy we've fought in a row where you've suggested that! And the last one was just a grumpy examiner at Pleasantville Driver's Ed! Why is it that every time we fight evil, the first thing you have me do is get naked?!"  
  
Merton tries a helpful smile "Consistency?"  
  
"-Oh, alright..." Tommy fumbles with buttons, zippers and toggles until he stands naked before his boyfriend. "-Now what, Merton? ... Merton? * _Merton_ *?!"  
  
Merton closes his mouth and forces his eyes upward. "Er... Now we break down the door and grab the sucker. Well, don't actually grab its suckers. That'll just piss it off needlessly."  
  
"-I can do that!" The jock cracks his knuckles whilst jogging lightly on the spot, working his body up to The Change. "-I suppose it's too much to ask for you to turn around?"  
  
"C'mon Tommy, you haven't got anything I haven't seen, taken into my various orifices, or enshrined on its own website before. Besides..." The Goth blushes, and continues in a hoarser voice "... It makes me really hot to watch you Wolf Out."  
  
Tommy doesn't bother to hide his grin or the bright red flush on his chest and ears. "-Okay. But you are *so* jerking off for me later tonight."  
  
He groans and his tight, tan body stretches and seems somehow to *spin*... and suddenly the Wolf is standing before the bathroom door.

Merton feels his chest goose-pimpling beneath his black tee as warm, mother-of-pearl eyes flick onto him, the keyhole-slit pupils widening amiably, darkened lips tugging into a huge grin as the lycanthrope recognizes his friend and mate.  
  
(Despite Merton's begging, the boys have only made love with Tommy in Wolf-shape a handful of times; the shredded mattresses- and occasionally curtains- are a bitch to explain, as are the noises. One time at Tommy's place there'd been so much passionate howling and yelping -mostly from Merton, oddly enough- that *Dean* had actually come up to investigate. Fortunately however, his legs had given out halfway up the stairs)  
  
Wolf-Tommy threads his own hirsute arm through Merton's elbow. "~Shall we?"  
  
Merton's answering smile is just as bright, if not as canine-intensive (in all senses of the term).  
  
Without breaking their embrace, the werewolf kicks out with an oddly-jointed foot and splinters the bathroom door into so much flying matchwood.  
  
 _ **"IA! Y'NGHAI HRR UGUTH F'TAGN Y'JEDI MYNND TRIKK**_ _ **SHOGGOTH!"**_  
  
Wolf-Tommy snarls. "~Sorry, Squiddley-Diddley, I don't speak...whatever it is you're speaking."  
  
Merton nudges him. "Ancient Sumerian, with Amphibious overtones."  
  
The werewolf raises his eyebrows. "~Amphibious? Cool! So, like these things can talk out of both sides of their mouths at once?" He looks in vain for a sign of lips and tongue in the writhing mass of tentacles. "~How can you tell?"  
  
Merton sighs. "No, you see Tommy, amphibious means-"  
  
 ** _"*YOU*!"_**  
  
Merton, startled, looks up.  The roiling sac of mucous, tentacles and gills is now quivering in his direction.  
  
"Wow, you've been invoked onto this plane of being for all of ten minutes and you've already mastered English? Our President still hasn't got the hang of it, and he was summoned from the Nine Circles *decades* ago!"  
  
 _ **"DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MOLLIFY MY RAGE WITH YOUR AMUSING PRATTLE, MARTIN."**_  
  
Wolf-Tommy whispers sidelong to his friend. "~Hey, it knows your name! Well... kind of."  
  
The Goth steps forward  
  
(the tentacles immediately begin whipping more agitatedly, and he promptly steps back again)  
  
"Well, well, well. It seems I made an impression on Your Octopod Overlordness during our last encounter. I should have known. Oh, by the way, it's *Merton*."  
  
 _ **"THAT'S WHAT I SAID. MARTIN."**_  
  
"No, you see, *Mer*-ton. Like a cross between 'Merlin' and 'Martin'"...  
  
 _ **"WHAT, YOU MEAN...MERLTON?"**_  
  
"No, it's..."  
  
 _ **"...MARTLON?"**_  
  
"No, there's an 'e' in it! Purse your lips!"  
  
 _ **"...MARLIN?"**_  
  
"That's a fish! Though I can see why you'd make that mista-"  
  
 ** _"...MALLOWMAR? MERLION? LENIN?"_**  
  
"*No*! Look, just call me 'Mister Dingle' and we'll cut our collective losses."  
  
Wolf-Tommy nudges his friend. "~Do I have to start calling you 'Mister Dingle' too?"  
  
"Not unless you dump me and start fucking my dad."  
  
"Oh." Wolf-Tommy cocks his head in the direction of the boiling ball of snot and calamari currently trying to make "E" noises to itself in the toilet. "~So how come you never told me you knew this mollusk?"  
  
"I don't." Merton considers "...Well, not really. Just before you and I became...close, a guy on the swim team came to me. He wanted me to set him up with an Altar to Dagon so he'd look hot in skin-tight red speedos."  
  
"~Red Speedos? So we're talking the conspiracy nut who joined the Feds, or the closet-case who transferred to Sunnydale?"  
  
"Yeah, one of them."  
  
"~Which one?"  
  
"How should I know? They were wearing red speedos, Tommy, I wasn't looking at their *faces*!"  
  
 _ **"AH, EXCUSE ME? HULLLOOO?!"**_  
  
The Goth and the Werewolf look up as one. "Yeah?"  
  
 _ **"REMEMBER ME? EVIL LOVECRAFTIAN SEA-GOD? BENT ON DEVOURING YOUR WORLD?"**_  
  
Merton scratches his temple. "Oh, right! We'll be with you in a minute." He turns to Tommy. "Okay, big-guy; kick its ass- assuming it's got one- until I can get a Banishing Mojo working."  
  
Wolf-Tommy nods. "~Right! Does it have any weaknesses I should know about?"  
  
"Aside from mispronouncing names?! Just wail on it until it leaks, already!"  
  
"~Sir, yessir!"

The werewolf carefully covers his lips over long, snaggled fangs and gives Merton a lingering kiss, before bounding across the room, butt wagging furiously in lieu of a tail.  
  
Merton watches his lover, a proud smile on his face.

"And to think not long ago, we were considering Obedience School."  
  
 _ **"WHAT THE... A LYCANTHROPE?! BAH! I EAT LYCANTHROPES FOR BREAKFAST... SOMETIMES LITERALLY- YOU SEEN THOSE GUYS FROM TEEN WOLF AROUND LATELY?! MWOOHAHAHAHAHAHA!  PREPARE TO FEEL MY WRAT... HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I SAID FEEL MY *WRATH*, NOT THOSE! QUIT BOUNCING AROUND SO MUCH SO I CAN REND YOU ALREADY! GOOD GOD, ARE YOU WEARING A *FLEA COLLAR*?!**_ "  
  
Merton watches the werewolf and the cephalopodiform God thrashing on each other for a moment more, until the multi-coloured phlegm starts flying  
  
(he hadn't even known Tommy could make that much mucous)  
  
before raising his hands in their direction and reading aloud from the banishing spell written in  
magic-marker on the side of his arm.  
  
(He'd written it there in case he ever needed to exorcise anything in a hurry... plus he'd gotten really bored in English Lit class that morning)  
  
"Hey Dagon! _Ia! Hakuna Mutanta! Boogey-woogey bewgle boi! Ixnay on the Id-Squay!_ "  
  
 ** _"WHHHHAAAAT? A BANISHING SPELL? OOOH YOU SPIKEY-HAIRED LITTLE BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!"_**  
  
As multiple balls of light start swirling in the air, Merton yells to his friend.  "~Tommy, let it go, it's about to fold between planes! And don't bite that, you don't know where it's been!"  
  
There is a gigantic rush of superheated air, a chorus of angelic voices singing an off-key version of "The Toreador March", and with a cheated howl of rage and sudden, deafening, wet-  
  
 ***SSSSSSSSSSSSPLORCH*!!!!!!**  
  
-Dagon vanishes, leaving Tommy, transformed back into human shape by the power of the spell, dangling in mid air, ten feet above the toilet  
  
(well, not for long)  
  
" _-aaaaaah!"_  
  
Tommy is stopped from his bidet-bound plummet as Merton jumps forward and catches him, the momentum of his leap pushing them both against the far shower wall.  
  
Tommy looks at his friend, breathless. "-Merton... You did it! You totally teleported cuttle-butt back to his nether regions! Although what was up with that 'splooorch'? I thought teleportations were traditionally supposed to go 'bamf'..."  
  
"Maybe the Mystic Powers are fans of Mad Magazine?"  
  
"-Thanks for saving me from that toilet-bowling, too."  
  
Merton grins. "Yeah, well once you've been through as many toilet-bowlings as I have my friend, you kind of become an expert."  
  
Merton steps back a bit, allowing the still naked but now furless jock to slide down the wall a bit until his feet are in the more traditional touching floor' position, then pulls him back into his arms and the two of them get busy in the lip area.  
  
"~Should I put my clothes on again?"  
  
"I'd just have to take them straight back off, Tommy; cut out the middle man, already."  
  
The two men are just about to indulge in some paranormal exploration of each other, when they are interrupted by a sudden, suspicious  
  
 _THUMP!_  
  
From outside. Followed a few moments later by a not quite as sudden   
  
(but still quite suspicious)  
  
 _THUMP!_  
  
 _THUMP!_  
  
 _THUMP    THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!_  
  
Tommy's tongue reluctantly lets go of his boyfriend's uvula and forms words. "-Merton? What's with all the thumping outside?"  
  
 **(THUMP!)**  
  
The Goth looks over at where the door used to be. Partygoers seem to be running past it pretty regularly, and with the same expressions of disgusted horror on their faces  
  
(and they weren't looking at the two guys making out, so it wasn't a Christian Fundamentalist thing)  
  
"Hmmm..." Merton thinks for a moment. "Well, Dagon was quite a big creature... and all of that displaced snot had to go somewhere when It was banished back to Its dimension... Let's see; it'd have to be something of equal weight, and equally as slimy..."  
  
Tommy has slipped into his pants and unbuttoned shirt and crossed over to the door. He cautiously peeks out.

"~ Uh, Merton? You stayed awake in Biology class more than I did, right?"  
  
"Yeah; why?"  
  
"~How do we stop an army of hundreds of undead frogs?"  
  
Merton joins Tommy at the door. "Undead *what*? Oh my God, look- it's like a George Romero version of The Muppet Movie! Or to a lesser extent, The Great Muppet Caper!"  
  
Tommy winces. "-Youch! Look at Lori! Man, I hope she kept the receipt for that."  
  
"Though ironically, she did say she likes it when a party gets hopping..."  
  
"~So what do we do?"  
  
Merton pauses, thinking, then puts his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders.   
  
"Well Tommy, first we get you naked..."  
  
  
  
  
  ----------------------END-------------------

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh, Tommy/Merton. BIG WOLF ON CAMPUS was the slashiest show on TV until TEEN WOLF came along. What is it about werewolves and homoeroticism? Maybe it's all the full moons. Can we get an official dvd release of BWoC sometime soon, Fox Family Network?!
> 
> Dedication: As usual, this goes out to Colton Haynes. He knows why :D


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